I'm just so tired of everything and everybody right now. I don't know which way to turn and I feel so lost and alone at times. I feel like running away and just starting over. Someplace where I can begin again. Somewhere that I can immerse myself into my surroundings and myself. Someplace where I'm allowed to just be me. Half of the time I'm struggling just trying to figure out who I am and exactly where I stand. I just want to let go and be the me that I used to be. The me I was when I had it all figured out. The me I was when I just let it all flow out. I'm tired of being this person that I've been pretending to be when all I really want to be is me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
So today was pretty much a bittersweet one. It was the last day of one of my classes. This means I'm one step closer (and only 2 classes away) to my status as a certified teacher. This upcoming school year, I plan on landing a job in some school district. I have the confidence and the faith that will ultimately put me in my own classroom come August 2011. I cannot bear to enter someone else's classroom day after day. I enjoy subbing to a certain extent and I am thankful for all the preparation that I have received as a substitute teacher over this past year. I have built a camaraderie with the teachers and staff at the schools that I frequent and hopefully one of those will have an opening in my area. If not, then I am willing to take my talents to another school or even district that is in need. For now I am done with the required courses that my mentor teaches so I will not be enjoying her lectures anymore. Upon leaving her class I told her that she would not see me in one of her classes again until I enter the Master's program. She told me that I should really think carefully about what I would like to pursue in terms of my Master's degree and that I should look into Educational Leadership. This thought has honestly crossed my mind for a brief second but now that she has mentioned it, I have really started thinking about it. First things first is this job search to get my own classroom :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Reading a lot of these different teacher made blogs has gotten me so inspired. I cannot wait until I have my own class to blog about so I can share all my wonderful lesson plans and stories. I have so many ideas that are floating around in my head so I guess I may as well blog about them. Next week is my university's Spring Break so I will use that time to get some of my thoughts together. Meanwhile, it's back to subbing and writing research papers for school.
The Teacher Recruitment Fair went very well. 10 interviews in one day. Whew. I'm determined to get a job for the 2011-12 school year. Hopefully I won't have to relocate too far because I still have this one class that I'm not 100% sure about getting into this summer. If I cannot get into that class this summer then I'll have to take it in the Fall and it would be impossible for me to make it to class on time if I am more than an hour away. Otherwise I would be alright with packing up and moving 2-3 hours away for a job. I am single with no attachments and my main focus right now is on my career. (Although I do have a special someone but visits can always be arranged ) Here's to praying that it all works out.
Monday, April 4, 2011
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Today is the big day. I have polished off my resume and personalized my cover letters. I have pressed my suit and shined my heels. Now I am ready to let my personality shine. I was born to do this and today is the first step in obtaining a position for the 2011-2012 school year. Optimism is in the air and the time is right now. I have signed up for 8 different interviews with various school districts within an hour's distance from where I currently reside. I may be willing to move later but for now I am limited in how far I can go because of my graduate studies. Giving it all to the man above and stepping out on faith.